The Question

Well, back to what I will call the beginning of this African journey...

As a stay at home mom, my life was going to be changing as I had known it for the last 8 years. My baby boy was starting kindergarten. For about a year before this was going to happen, I started wondering what will this mean, and what am I supposed to do? I just had a feeling that I should be doing something more, but had no idea what that really meant?? Maybe it was a little bit of the mommy blues knowing my little buddy would not be with me anymore (Luke and I loved our Target and Scholtzsky's days). Maybe it was a little bit of guilt from all those people who think your job as a mom is done once the kids start school..."what are you going to do now"?? Or, maybe it was a gentle tug from God wanting me to seek him for an answer.

There were a-lot of circumstances going on around me too, and now looking back I realize these were not a coincidence, but God's way of starting to "connect the dots" for me. I had followed a friends trip to Africa with her family and thru that had started to read Katie's blog (go to Amazima on my page and check it out if you haven't...no words to explain). To top all this off, there were people all around me who were adopting or announcing by complete surprise that they were pregnant.

Well, as a mom who's baby was starting school, you can imagine what all this did. I started wondering again what all this meant? Was I doing enough? Should I be considering more children? Was this something I really wanted, or was it just emotions from everyone around me? Adoption? My mind was going in circles. Long talk with my sweet husband one day on our way to the lake. Bless his heart, I think he was a little surprised by all the questions on my mind... he offered to buy me a convertible to get over my mommy blues...lol. Not sure that he was questioning or feeling the same things, so we came to the conclusion to just pray about it.

So, in August when school started back I decided that one thing I would do with this so called "extra time" I would now have is to dig a little deeper in my quite time. I also decided to start a journal in the hopes it would help give me some answers to my questions. The first words I wrote in my journal were these...

What is God's will/desire for this next phase of my life?

Little did I know how quickly he would give me my first answer!!